Touching Spirit Bear by Ben Mikaelsen

Author:Ben Mikaelsen
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub, pdf
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 2001-01-10T23:00:00+00:00

During the following weeks, Cole mentally prepared himself for the inevitable. He imagined attending a trial and hearing the verdict: guilty. He imagined being led in handcuffs from the courtroom and for the first time being locked into a real jail cell. The hardest thing was to imagine being locked up, day after day, week after week, month after month.

While Cole worked through his feelings, he exercised. For long hours each morning and evening, he lay on his small bed, swinging his arms and legs, arching his back, and stretching to keep his body from stiffening. Midday, he worked out on weights in the center group area. He found himself growing stronger, and he found that when he had angry thoughts, he could exercise himself into a sweaty frenzy until pain from his joints drove away his thoughts and left him spent. No amount of exercise, however, could bring strength back into Cole’s right arm and hand. It was all he could do to lift a shirt.

Garvey explained to Cole after the second gathering that the Circle would continue meeting without him. He wouldn’t say exactly why, but he did say that Edwin had remained in Minneapolis to attend the meetings.

During the next two weeks, Edwin stopped by to visit several times. He never said much, but he studied Cole the way a person looks at a chess-board planning the next move. When he spoke, he asked pointed questions without explaining himself. After each visit, he left without saying good-bye. All he ever mumbled was “Gotta go.”

Nathaniel Blackwood stopped by unexpectedly one day to announce he would no longer be Cole’s lawyer. Cole’s father had refused to pay additional legal fees, and now a public defender would be assigned. Barely two days later, Garvey and Edwin stopped by together. They sat down on Cole’s bed and stared at him.

“What are you staring at?” Cole asked.

“So you think you’re changed, huh?” grunted Edwin.

“What difference does it make?” said Cole. He looked down at his feet. “I feel different.”

“How so?” said Garvey.

“It’s hard to explain,” Cole said.

“You better try.” Edwin’s voice left no room for discussion.

Cole quit trying to think of answers with his head, and instead, let his feelings answer. “After I was mauled, when I thought I was going to die, I felt like just a plant or something, like I wasn’t important. I didn’t know why I even existed. That scared me. I know it doesn’t make any sense, but I realized that I was dying and I had never really even lived. Nobody trusted me. I had never loved anybody, and nobody had ever really loved me.”

Edwin and Garvey exchanged a glance. “So how did that change things?” Garvey asked.

“I don’t know,” Cole said, emotions welling up from deep inside. “I really don’t know. I just know that my dad’s not going to ever come back to say he’s sorry. Even if he did, he couldn’t change what he did. He couldn’t take away the memories.”

“So, you think this is all his fault, huh?” asked Edwin.

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